by Shawn Nelson, MSA.

If you're single and dating I feel for you. It's definitely not easy attempting to identify the right person for you.

There is something you, and millions of people, do on the first date that pretty much ruins your chances of identifying a good mate.

YOU'RE UNABLE TO LET GO OF THE PAST!

Your date is not the person who hurt you, used you or lied to you! They are new and don't know anything about you. Why would you allow negative experiences to ruin a golden opportunity?

It's simple! You're afraid to open up again and will look for every sign that may indicate they are similar to those who hurt you.

Do you see what you're doing? You're projecting your insecurities onto that person. In essence, you are not allowing yourself to get to know them for who they are.

If yo ha've dealt with your past and it doesn't affect your dating experiences that's great. But you may still suffer from something else!

YOU MOVE TOO FAST!

There is no way you could possibly know someone well enough within three months, six months or even two years to move in with them or worse to say you love them.

Sure, there may be a connection, the sex may be fantastic and you two have so much in common. Yet, you know after six months to a year (sometimes more) people begin to show a different side of themselves.

You need to ask yourself a very serious question, “Why am I rushing into a relationship with this person?” The answer to that question could save you from getting hurt again.

There's a wonderful guide for women that will help them understand why they continually suffer from relationship mistakes, unhappy relationships and a broken heart.

How many times have you rushed and judged someone or something only to realize you made a huge mistake? It happens everyday.

When you take your time and get to know the person you'll learn a lot about them and yourself.

If you have never spent at least one year, preferably two or more, with yourself and do not know what you need beyond a shadow of a doubt, you should not rush into a relationship. In my experience, there's a 90% chance it will fail.

I've said this before and I will say it again…you must continually ask questions, so you can learn more and more about the person. The problem most people have is they stop asking after a few weeks, they don't ask enough or they never ask.

To alleviate the problem, you could get the 1000 Questions for Couples Guide and make it into a game. This way the pressure is off both of you.

Now we get to the question that drives me crazy, “Are first impressions important?” Yes and No!

You want someone who is appealing to the eye, isn't sloppy in his/her appearance and has good hygiene habits. However, just because they meet that criteria doesn't mean they are a good person.

I don't know about you but I've met individuals who met the above criteria and were the worse people to be around! Their personality sucked!

Here's my point!

• Take your time
• Get to really know people
• Figure out who you are
• Don't worry about first impressions too much
• Don't settle for less than what you deserve

If you're unable to take an honest look at yourself then you're pretty much doomed to fail in relationships and blame others for your problems and mistakes. Is that the life you desire to lead?

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Shawn Nelson, MSA is a Motivational Speaker, Life Coach and Author who creates guides, e-Courses and run several web sites that help people achieve their relationship, personal, life and professional goals. To learn more visit Love Life Advice

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"Invest in yourself for it's the only thing you can control"--Shawn Nelson, MSA