End A Relationship: How To End A Relationship With Very Little Pain!
by Shawn Nelson, MSA.
Traditional Dating Rules
The truth is not all relationships will last! The question is not, “Will I have to end a relationship?” But, “When will I have to end a relationship?”
In your quest to meet the best person for you several people may enter and leave your life. Of course the plan is always to find one person and stay with them. If you have any experience with relationships you know that is rare!
What I would like to do is to explain as simply as possible the one key concept that must be adhered to in order to end a relationship properly. Without this key you may end up inflicting long-term emotional damage on the individual.
Key: You Must Be Honest With Your Reason For
Wanting To End The Relationship
Here’s what you know about relationships! You meet someone, like them and decided to get to know them. As time pass, you begin to realize that maybe this person isn’t the one for you. But you stick it out some more only to find out for sure that he/she isn’t the one.
The typical response to end the relationship may be, “I don’t feel this relationship can fulfill me in the ways I need. You are a nice person but it’s just not working for me. We can be friends but I feel we should end the relationship.”
Now that is a nice way to end a relationship isn’t it? Unfortunately, you would have forgotten one thing…the other person’s feelings. Not necessarily how they will feel after the break up but how they felt during the time you two were together.
Let’s take a look at a few things that may be running through their mind after you decided you want to end the relationship:
I Thought She/He Loved Me – Somewhere along the way you either said or gave the impression that you loved the individual. The news of a break up will be a shock to them. They will not be able to understand how things got to this point.
Did He/She Lie To Me – Since the person felt, and was lead to believe, everything was going fine they may begin to see you as a liar. Did you really mean the things you said? Or did you just say them to keep them around until you found someone else?
Is There Something Wrong With Me – Even when a person knows the relationship isn’t going well they will still question whether they caused the relationship to end! Especially, if they have too many experiences with relationships ending in the past.
There Must Be Someone Else – This is a natural thought as no one wants to believe they caused a relationship to end. There must be someone else that caused the significant other to change his/her mind about me. They know I love them why would they hurt my like this.
Your role, if you truly care for the individual, is to assure them (if it’s true) that they are not the problem, you did love them at one time, you did not lie to them and there is no one else. You do this by being honest and telling the truth.
If you have outgrown the individual then tell them exactly when and how it happened. If you are no longer attracted to the person then tell them why. If you feel your needs aren’t being met then tell them what those needs are and how they are not meeting them.
There is a catch to this that I should warn you about ahead of time! You can only use this method if you have been consistently communicating honestly with your partner. You cannot just throw a list of items that you are unhappy with that you never brought to their attention. You have to give them the opportunity to at least attempt to meet your needs.
Also, you cannot lie in the early stages of the relationship and then attempt to use this method! It will only backfire on you!
For example, if you tell someone you love to do something (e.g., snuggle, give hugs, etc) then you cannot turn around and tell them that you no longer like those things or that they smother you too much! That would be a clear sign that you lied in the beginning!
In order to successfully end a relationship you must be honest from day one! You must communicate your needs, desires, wants and express your unhappiness at all times. If there is no communication between you two then ending the relationship may not turn out well.
Finally, if you know or feel you cannot be honest with your partner, or anyone that you date, do them a favor and leave them alone. Don’t allow them to put their heart and emotions on the line when you will not be truthful.
You will have to end a relationship someday but make sure it’s a result of both of you attempting to make it work while being honest with each other. That way there will be very little, if any, animosity toward each other.
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