Have Insecurity Issues? Do What People Think Of You Affect How You Live Your Life?
by Shawn Nelson, MSA.
(c) 2004. All Rights Reserved.
How often do you find yourself wondering, "I hope they are happy with me" or "I hope I'm pleasing them" or similar thoughts?
I can't begin to tell you how bad I was with those thoughts! I would do almost anything to get people to like me. And the sad part is I would go as far as neglecting my needs, wants and desires.
Yet, no matter what I did the people could not make me happy! It always seemed to backfire and I was the one that got hurt! You know the routine, "You give all the time and receive the minimum, if anything, in return."
I got tired of having others validate my happiness and sometimes my existence. So, I decided to make some changes. It wasn't easy! And it took me almost five years but the changes were made.
Here's what I did:
I analyzed all of my relationships and asked one simple question, "Why did I do for them knowing they wouldn't do as much for me in return?" The answer was the same, "...for love, to be appreciated, to feel wanted."
Then I identified the things I wasn't getting in my relationships and asked myself, "Could I give those things to me?" In every instance I said, "Yes!" I began to give to me the things I was looking for (i.e., love, attention, quality time, doing things with myself that I always wanted to do and much more).
During the process something amazing started to happen. I began to have more confidence in me in terms of relationships and what I would not tolerate from people.
Then I stumbled upon something that truly opened my eyes! I realized that if I am doing everything I should be doing, and a person doesn't appreciate me, I'm not the problem they are.
At that point I didn't care what other's thought about me because I knew that I was doing alright! Now, I'm so confident in the relationship area that I'm not affected as much by what people think.
Do I care what everybody thinks of me? Nope! Do I care about what the people I love think about me? Sometimes! But, will I focus on what they think about me? Nope!
The key is to become so confident in what you are doing that it doesn't matter what people think. All that truly matters is what you think about you and how you feel about you!
I can't tell you how difficult it will be to modify your beliefs in this area. It's going to take some work. But if I can do it so can you!
Here's a simple exercise for you. Be honest with your answers.
Write down all of the things you don't like about yourself.
Now go through each one and ask, "Is this something I should be worrying about? Can it be changed?" If you can change it do something about it. If you can't change it leave it alone and move on.
Finally, once you've gone through your list ask yourself one more question, "Where did I get the idea that I don't like these things about me?" You will notice how the thoughts of others affect you!
Remember, no one can honestly tell you who you are unless you give them permission to do so!
If life is kicking your butt and you can't figure out how to move forward you should read the Life Is Simple Guide. Visit: http://lifeissimple.mrgoodman.com.
If you want to take your mind off your worries play the Avoid Life's Obstacles Game. Visit: http://lifeissimple.mrgoodman.com/lifeobstacles.html
Shawn Nelson, MSA is a Motivational Speaker and Life Counselor who creates guides, e-Courses and run several web sites that help people achieve their relationship, personal, life and professional goals. To learn more visit www.mrgoodman.com
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